(1 Corinthian 2:10) “Now god has revealed these things to us by the spirit,
For the Spirit searches everything, even the depths of God.”
Soulfire incarnates through the scars of ancestors.
Ancients eyes study juvenile hands.
Surreal sentience.
The mirror whispers, “Am I waking up or falling asleep?”
Echoing inside, I remember, I have purpose here.
A mission.
A threshold of oblivion hides the memory.
My heart and mind arc to the panorama.
Immersed in the experience of connecting.
It is beautiful.
I am excited to be here.
The laughter of youth is fragile, precious.
Playing in the front yard, a friend arrives.
Crying, devastated, broken.
Her tears rip through me like bullets.
She says her daddy hurt her.
Her aching soul overwhelms mine.
I feel her confusion, her betrayal.
Her shattered little world.
I worry, we may never heal.
Buckling, breaking, imploding.
I pray.
“God, I don’t understand,
This… Feeling… This suffering…
Please help me understand.”
Answered prayers, come.
Take care what we wish for.
They’re listening.
A chaos known by many names invades.
Abuse.
Neglect.
Rape.
Hunger.
Addiction.
Sadness.
Hospitals and shelters on repeat.
Mother is always crying.
Wrapped in a blanket, huddled before music.
Songs bleeding, only one philosophy -
We are also hopelessly, broken, damaged, unloved.
I am what I know.
Years fall away.
Grace Under Fire.
The irony.
Knock, knock, says the police.
Nothing new, back into the Matrix.
Crying, my little brother is crying
Like I have never heard.
I don’t understand what they are saying.
Mommy is dying.
A bullet of self loathing.
A gun.
How could she hate her life that much?
My brothers, my world, my life.
That is the one she hates.
I have never felt so alone.
I fall.
From a desolate landscape into total.
The inversion of explosion and affects everything I touch
My tongue knows only venom.
My hands, only blood.
My feet, only ashes.
I am aimless rage.
I am distortions.
I am depression.
I am the human condition.
It is here I build my temple.
Alone in silence
Surround by a crowd
No friends, only victims
I still feel, maybe more so
A one-way bridge, soaking it all in
Like the child I
Shame has become my God
My glory.
Self-destructing and will not die.
This skin, this life, my own private hell.
The arrogance of believing it can’t get any worse.
Instead, my reckless life takes another’s.
Seared into my soul, I see him.
Broken, bleeding, dying.
I hear him.
Fighting for a life he doesn’t get to keep.
Suicidal tendencies, dig deeper holes.
Why won’t I die?
God, why won’t you have Mercy on me?
Prison, inside and out.
Endless nightmares.
Morning, exhaustion contrast, long days, and long night into relief.
Will this ever end?
I see only one path before me -
A new one.
Look for the door.
I find only the darkness I call home.
I surrender.
Zen inside the sound of silence.
I am.
We are.
Alone.
The voice of an angel.
She invites, “What are you doing in here?”
“ I live here.”
“Me too,” she whispers.
Armor intact, I ask, “ how did you come into this place and find me?”
“ I was born into this broken body. I can’t walk very good. I have never ran, jumped, or swam. My big sister, and best friend, drowned when we were little girls. My dad went home to be with her. My mamas memory is broken. She doesn’t remember us.”
With a trembling voice in cascading eyes,”I miss them so much.”
I don’t know why they left me behind.”
Quieter still,” so I think I have always been here… As long as I can remember”
With subtle intrigue,”How’d you get here?”
I am speechless.
In an instant, my eyes search the depth of hers
The amplitude of the journey electrifies my soul.
And breaks my heart.
She is pure, innocent, beautiful.
She is my hero.
A bright star in a dark place.
I know, I am not alone.
I never was.
I am broken and love, broken things.
So does she.
Revelation -
God has a plan
My scars have purpose
I was made for her.
She was made for me.
We were made for the world.
I remember the mission.
We are not alone.
So many more are still lost.
Alone
Afraid
Aching
Crying
Confused
Consumed
In darkness
Their journey is their own
I am no authority
I am not right
I am a star, in the dark place
I am a reminder, they are not alone.
It’s enough
To love
To connect
To belong
To hope
To inspire
To know
We are not alone
It’s enough
I know
Because I am
We are
God is
The journey from scars to stars
-Luke Hundley.